Tips on Being a Happy Parent
(and yes, there's an oil for this too)
I found this great post on Awesomely Awake and thought I'd share.
How to be a calm Parent
- Own your Nos. There are times when I say no without even thinking and then one no leads to another no and soon we’re in a vicious cycle. I’ve learned that by really thinking before I respond I feel authentic power when I do say no — or yes. Try hard to not rush to saying no to your child just because of inconvenience.
- Be open to Yes. There’s a ton of power in the word YES. Y-E-S. Conscious Yeses are beautiful. Conscious Yeses transform families. Conscious Yeses are cause for celebration.
- Read. Read everything you can that makes you feel good and that reminds you to remain calm. For me, it started with Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller but it’s hardly ended there. I have a whole nightstand filled with books that I pull out when I need a pick-me-up or as a reminder to remain calm and relaxed as a parent. Some are parenting books. Some are inspirational books. Others are just beautiful and get me thinking creatively, which is the best way to parent, in my experience.
- Solitude. I suspect that many of us who struggle with staying calm in the chaos also struggle with noise. Some people — extroverts — are happy with a ton of noise. I am not. Silence is often the medicine we need to replenish and rejuvenate ourselves and yet it may be the hardest to make happen. There are many other ways to stay at peace.
- Take a deep breath. Never ever punish when angry. Just don’t. Heed this advice and you’ll always be a calm parent. Separate the kids and then walk away. Step outside. Or, go to your room and close the door and lay on your bed until you are calm. Run down to the basement. Put on some music in your ear buds. Something. Anything. Just breathe and calm down before you even attempt to react.
- Get up early. Having time to yourself is absolutely essential. Period.
- Go to bed early. Being fully rested is key. You can’t be a good parent if you are too tired to think, too tired to come up with creative responses and solutions or too tired to ignore the small things.
- Get a hobby. I write therefore I am. For others, it’s cooking or sewing or quilting or crocheting. Even more are finding a love in photography, baking, blogging, or gardening. We all have that one thing that just fills us up, that gives us a different purpose in life. Devote yourself to yours.
- Energize yourself. This is my all-time favorite thing to do in my day. Choose the things that you love and that make you happy and do them every day. In my e-course, I’ll share my own list.
- Ignore the small stuff. What’s that book say, it’s all small stuff? I don’t know about that. But I do know that some parents — myself included — can get wrapped up in micromanaging their children and their every move. Delegate some of that worry and stress to the Universe. this includes NOT arguing back with a child.
- Think of the Big Picture. A few mentioned this on the Facebook page as important and I agree. Will this tiny infraction of behavior like drinking the bathtub water and spitting it out matter in the long run? No. Will it delay bedtime, yes. So what. Move on. Nothing to see here.
- Clean. When your children are frustrating the bejeezus out of you, clean. Do those things that you need to do and work off the frustrations by cleaning. This is the only time that I stress the importance of cleaning. It gives you something productive to do instead of micromanaging the children. While your at it, think of the chores they will have to do as a result of their bad behavior. Some call it an uh-oh chore. I just call it a chore to help fill my bucket back up.
- Speak your mantra. Each of us has phrases that give us comfort, sayings that we can say over and over again in our heads until the difficult moment passes. Some of you suggested mantras like “I am the adult” or “Mommy is the greatest!” I have a whole list of mantras that I use.
- Exercise. Walk. Do yoga. Run. Whatever you can do to feel good on the inside will make parenting from the heart a lot better.
- Slow down. Don’t plan a ton of things because the minute you want to get a long list of things done is the very minute that you will find things blow up. Stress is what causes us to lose our cool so the less we have to stress about, the less crazy we’ll become.
- Get silly. I’ve said this before but doing something entirely out of the ordinary is a great way to turn things around quickly. Tell jokes. Just act nutty. You’ll laugh. SING. DANCE. Laugh. Deal with the consequences later, when everyone’s thinking more clearly.
- Talk it out. Establish a talk-it-out rule. In this house, we talk out our problems with soft words, not our hands and not by yelling. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
- Role model. If you want your children to grow up calm, cool and collected than keep that in your head at all times. What you say to your children becomes what they hear in their heads. That’s powerful stuff to consider.
- Eat. There have been many times when I’ve been starving and not taking care of myself. Stop and make sure you’re not feeling the result of low blood sugar.
- Set your rules. This is a really big deal and something I didn’t really do early on. The sooner your establish your household rules the better off you will be as a parent. Our rules are on our refrigerator so that when a rule is broken we can immediately point to it and say look here, you’ve broken Rule No. 2, keep your hands and feet to yourself. When you are confident about the rules in your house, you are confident in enforcing those rules.
- Don’t set too many rules. Seriously. Children are still learning and experimenting. We can’t expect them to never make mistakes. To stay calm, stick to no more than five rules at a time and make those the important ones. Let little infractions go by with teachable moments rather than discipline.
- Change your routine. If you find yourself in a stressed out rut, perhaps it’s time to change things around and do something exciting and different. A change in fresh air or environment is enough to keep me feeling calm and peaceful a lot longer than going through the motions of the same-old, same-old.
- Be Grateful. Many of you mentioned that reminding yourself of how special it is to have a child is the best way to calm yourself down. Savoring the little moments. Being grateful for the time we have with our children. These are all big, heart-filled reminders of what it really means to be a parent, even when times are challenging.
- Replenish your spirit. For some this means prayer or meditation. For others it might be sinking into a hot bath at night. Taking care of your spirit is as important as taking care of your body. Whatever you use to de-stress and center yourself, do it often.
- When all else fails, hug it out. I love this one that came up on the Facebook page. Too often what our children need — and what we need in return — is that close connection and touch of the ones we love. My very spirited daughter responds positively to touch and so we snuggle often. So, instead of yelling or hurting, hug it out. If only we could pass this tip along to the rest of the world, right?
So How do I Stay Calm?
I really thing that everyone has their "go to" oil of choice for relaxation and "centering". I have to admit that I decided about 6 years ago that I needed a little medical help for my anxiety as a mother. Not because I didn't feel like I could handle it but because I felt like my kids deserved good memories of their childhood. I wanted my kids to remember the fun we had and the cool stuff we did instead of Mom yelling or freaking about about the dirty dishes in the sink.
At times, my meds just don't cut it. So my oil of choice is Serenity.
This has helped me through PMS, it's helped me through pre-teen woes, and it's helped me feel good about myself. I found a great blend for anxiety here. I, of course, tweaked it just a bit to fit my needs. So here's what I came up with:
20 drops Serenity
20 drops Balance
20 drops Lavender
10 drops Roman Chamomile
Fill the rest of the way with fractionated cococut oil
Fill the rest of the way with fractionated cococut oil
Just the other day we took a short day trip in the car and the kids were getting a wee bit rowdy. So instead of yelling or complaining, I handed over the roller bottle of my blend and everyone swiped the back of their neck (including myself and my husband) and within minutes the energy level in the car dropped by about half.
Here are a few other tips for anxiety:
- Put 4-5 drops each of Melissa Oil, Wild Orange Oil and Peppermint Oil in a capsule or fill a shot glass with 2 TBS purified water and the EO’s. Take daily until symptoms subside.
- Rub 3-4 drops of Frankincense Oil or Serenity Oil Blend on the neck & base of skull. (See graphic below) Frankincense stimulates the Limbic System
NOTE: The Sub-occipital Triangle according to Dr. David Hill, this is where essential oils for tension headaches and stress should be applied. This region is called the sub-occipital triangle. It allows pure plant essences (doTERRA EOs) to penetrate straight into the brain and blood vessels that are along the spine.
- Rub 3-4 drops of Bergamot Oil and Roman Chamomile Oil on back of neck & temples.
- Diffuse Serenity Oil Blend, Lavender Oil, and/or Balance Oil Blend in the air
- Have the following “Spine Therapy” done once a week:
- First apply coconut oil (olive oil can be substituted) along the length of the spine.
- Then, Drop any one or all of the following doTerra essential oils down the spine: Starting with Oregano, then Thyme, Basil, Wintergreen, Balance, Rosemary, Lavender, Aroma Touch… and end withPeppermint
- Hot compress for 15 minutes, then massage into skin.
Want to try it for yourself?
Don't know where to find doTerra Certified Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils?
1. Retail www.mydoterra.com/mariegale/
2. Get a significant discount by becoming a wholesale member
3. Or I can show you how to get your oils at a significant discount and add powerful residual income to your family by sharing with others. email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org